Learning Letter

I've always struggled finding out who I am as a person. 

I have spent the last 10 months trying to rebuild my life from the ground up, and this quarter helped me to do. 

This most likely isn't going to be the typical learning letter like most students will turn in. Of course, you are interested in what I learned as a future teacher or English/Language Arts, but I think what I learned as a person is far more beneficial. 

I stated that I was rebuilding my life from the ground up because I feel like I am. In May 2013, I ended my relationship to my fiancé of almost five years. By no means was it easy to let go of something that for five years, was all I knew. We became a pair, rather than a pair of individuals. All of my plans were centered around him and couldn't imagine planning anything without him. I slowly found myself forgetting how it was to be on my own. What made Jordan happy? What kind of movies did I like? What music did I like? What kind of toppings did I like on my pizza? We became one before I knew who I was. 

I find myself still partly grieving, though we have both moved on. I am only twenty one years old, but I feel the need to discover who I am right away. I know teaching is what I am supposed to do with my life but right now I am just not ready.

No one is expecting me to 100% ready, but I feel so deeply in my heart that right now is just not my time. The courses I took this quarter and the work we needed to do solidified that as well. No one is forcing me to teach full time after student teaching, but I feel like I am letting people down. I just feel like I need more experience, more living, under my belt to be the best teacher I can be for my future students.

I need to know what my personal style is before I know what my teaching style is. I need to better Jordan before I can better Ms. Lehman. This quarter truly showed me where I want to go in my life and for me, it has made all the difference.